I'm separated from my spouse. But I don't want to be. Help? Advice?

I've had a rollercoaster of a life over the last ten years, ended up going mad, sleep deprivation (too many kids at once oops)and many other traumas but I'm aware of the feelings I have for this man. He is a royal pain in the rrs but I cannot stop thinking about him lately. We separated a year ago or so, and its been bitter, so how do get this man out of my head?? And my heart? Or make him aware that he's still there and ask him to return to me? We split for good reason - I hated the sight of him and it was mutual, but trying to be nice for the sake of the kids isn't working. We seem to find it impossible to just talk to eachother. Its so sad. Any advice from sensible people greatly appreciated.I'm separated from my spouse. But I don't want to be. Help? Advice?
Ooh dear sounds like your trapped ,its not this man you want back its a memory of what you once had.You need time and if possible new Friends to get you out of this rut and who knows whats round the corner.Be lucky and look after the kids.I'm separated from my spouse. But I don't want to be. Help? Advice?
You ';hated the sight of him';, you ';split for good reason'; and ';he is a royal pain in the rrs';





yeah, I can see why you want him back.
Always!! always!! follow your heart because it is always right
Sounds very familiar, from experience you both have to want to give it a go , not just for the kids but for yourselfs, you both need to look at your relationship and look past the hurt and pain, forget everything that happened whatever it may be , and talk talk talk, communicate, you need to know why he reacts in certian ways to certian things,how it effects him , men think and feel and react very different than women ,so you need to explain the same things to him..........when you do this i feel.........when you say this to me i feel like............If he is willing and open you should both be able to put your guards down and talk about yourselfs, and how issues over the years have slowly torn away your marraige.Look at the cause, money?kids?power struggle? loss of identity? You were two to start off with, the kids will grow up and get married one day and have their own life, who will you have,is it worth it to work it out, it is a hard process , but past issues must be the past and you should look at a future togeather, never bring up past events that will hurt one another, this only leads to guilt, then resentment , anger , then arguements. No one likes to be reminded of their faults. The only time you should bring up past failers is when you are explaining how you felt , how you delt with it and how you loved him and was so hurt, and that hurt maybe led to frustration, then anger and resentment.Dont tell him what an *** you thought he was never name call it gets you no where exept more hurt and frustrated .NOW you are ready to find out how he feels how certian issues affected him , maybe he felt bad, and still feels bad, maybe you both still love each other, but these bad feelings have taken over your life.You need to look at each other with forgiveness and for the future, not the past, you cant change what happened, but you can plan for the future, its all about forgivness and forgetting.Anger , revenge and resentment can take over your life it is like poison that eats you up, the only cure is to let go forgive and put it in the past and move on, learn from the past live for the future, you can both be happy togeather again, remember you were once before !!Good luck.
When you are in a situation like your and have children. It is so easy to fall into the trap of thinking that you want this person, who in your own admission is a pain, you find impossible to talk to and you hate the sight of.


You have got into a habit of being with them rather than being in a true and fruitful relationship. You are going to have to break the habit. You need to ask yourself why? you want to be with this person. You need to look at what alternatives you can do with you life instead of setting yourself up for a downfall with this person. Look at the reasons why you meet up with him and avoid it.
sorry to say but if you take him back all the old feelings will return and you will hate him even moor the best way is to stay on your own for a bit longer then find somebody new but don't jump into a new relationship just yet or you will find you are still to involved with your past and wont be able to put enough into your new relationship and that will fail


just give it time you are grieving right now
%26lt;We split for good reason - I hated the sight of him and it was mutual%26gt;





There are people you just can't have a good relationship with because they're unable or unwilling to give you want you want. It is very hurtful sometimes.





You may be lonely now and he seems like a good option because there is no one else in the picture to fill the void. I would keep the lines of communications open (I am assuming that your kids are his too?) and be respectful of him and move slowly and cautiously. Whatever YOU were doing to hurt the relationship (forget about what HE did; that's something he has to address) , stop doing it and make it clear that you're willing to do your part to get off on a new footing with him. But not even Superman can carry a relationship alone.





Hang in there. Life can be good.
try going to relate by yourself first and then together