we absolutly love each other to death but our relationship is crumbling, fighting everyday because of bills, he knows that he has to work but getting him there is hard what do i do?Help..advice needed -- My fiance WONT WORK!!!?
MOVE OUT THAT HOUSE!!!! that is way too expensive if one person can only afford it, and even if he had a job (which would have to be a high paying on in that case) what about food and clothes for the kids, can you afford? after the payments are lowers from lower costs, try and ask him to start paying some of the bills. but for goodness sake, you have a lot on your plate and the last thing you need is a break up over a few dollars.
its much easier to lower your payments than to break up withsome you love. make the easy choice!Help..advice needed -- My fiance WONT WORK!!!?
glad to hear it!
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Give your head a shake to start with...
Are you seriously going to marry this lazy asshole?
He has children and refuses to work or help you with the finances?
Sorry but this man is very lazy and irresponsible, if he cared at all his butt would be out there working to help support his kids and take some of the burden off of you...
I'd give the whole marriage thing a little more thought, I'd be telling him, get a job now, or get out!
If he loved you so much he'd be trying to help you ease the financial burden..
Sounds to me like he loves not having to work..And why should he? You keep taking care of everything while he sits on his lazy ***, put your foot down Girl! You think if you marry him this will get better???
Wake up, make him get up off his lazy butt and get a job! Relationships are supposed to a be two people working equally at it...The fact he refuses to work and lets you work yourself into the ground shows alot of disrespect for you...
Time to grow a back bone...Lay down the law... Tell him this!!
';Get a job or head for the door and don't let it hit you in the *** on the way out!';
Sounds like he is lazy and has gotten used to being home. Write out your monthly bills and numbers and then divide them in half. Give him his half and tell him he is responsible for paying it. Tell him you don't care how he gets the money but he has no choice.
Stop paying for ANY of his expenses, pay only for you and the kids. Not the soda he likes, not beer, nothing. I am in a similar situation except I don't have kids and my husband still doesn't work.
Sometimes it is ok but if you are getting to a point where your life is just too much you either need to tell him to work or leave - just a part time job, something to help out.. otherwise you are going to have to give up your house and everything else.
It will never be an easy place to be because you do love him, but put yourself and the kids first. Take out all the extras, you obviously can make it without him .. don't marry until you know that he is willing to be a true part of the relationship. I married before I knew and i deal with it every day now, not easy and not fun.
My advice is, cut out everything you pay for ';for him'; - cable, internet, soda, junk food, whatever .. tell him if he wants to live like a king he has to work like one too.
Down size - get your debts under control. Let your husband be the housekeeper and take care of the children! That's a lot of work and the smaller house and kids need good care! Don't let money ruin your marriage - get rid of the roomate!
You need to move to a smaller home, and do what you can to decrease the monthly bills. There is no reason why he shouldn't stay home with the kids and be the ';housewife'; as long as that has been working. For you to complain about it now is crazy to me. You need to stop fighting about it, or else you're going to find yourself raising those kids alone, still supporting them by yourself, but without a man at home. Which is worse?
you need to tell he he has no choice but he have to get a job maybe you could work one shift and he work another shift but he really do need to help you of course me if anyone stayed home i would not my husband all i can say is you must really love him to take care of him and hes not working at all i wish you the best
ok, i have an idea. You should give him a little push into getting a job. I dont mean a big one, just a little one. Tell him that you are the only one doing all the work and if he doesnt get a job, you are going to take something away. You know, reward him if he gets one, and take away things when he doesnt.
First off, why in the world did you put yourself in that house?
Your lazy fiance' sounds like a real prize. What happened where he would emasculate himself to stay at home and be supported by a woman? That is NOT a real man even if he is taking good care of the kids.
Being a real man means supporting your family. Period. I would be so furious at him. I could not look at him as a full person.
Personally, I would leave him. Love is love and that alone can not hold a house together. Love is team work and working together to carry out your goals no matter what. (actions speak louder than words) He can tell you how much he loves you all day long but that means very little if he's not showing you and the kids and proving it. Talk IS cheap.
You stand a real chance of losing everything if he does not change his attitude. He is clearly not looking at your situation seriously nor does he care that he is not a real man.
I would also get out of that house as soon as you can.
Good luck
Tell him he's not going to live there, eat, and get p$$y for free. Get a job or get out. He's a bit of a loser.
Either he understands the situation which sounds bad and helps, or you have a major decision to make.
I'm sorry, but you can't heat your home with love, nor can you eat it. He's a grown man who doesn't want to work? Deadbeat is more like it. I am sorry, but he has to work or leave. If you aren't contributing you can't stay.
Lay down the law. He either gets a job and contributes to the family income or there will be no marriage and you'll be forced to find other...accomadations. Tell him his lack of a job is ruining your relationship. Give him a deadline of 30 days, or you're outta there.
Ok... This hasn't been a problem for FIVE YEARS.... What did you expect? Did you think he'd suddenly become responsible, when you've been ';momma'; to him for the last five years???
Maybe you need to get a job that pays more money. You say he's taking care of the kids--including one that's not his. Women tell me that's a ';full time job';.
If the situation was reversed, him working, you home with the kids, you'd be asking advise about how to motivate him to go out and make more money because you work so hard all day with the kids and babysitters cost money and blah blah blah.
Maybe you need to move back into a smaller house you can afford and all be happy in. Sounds a little like the fancy house is what put the kink in your relationship.
Actions speak louder than words.
IF he says he loves you and the kids, have him SHOW it!
That means supporting his family, like any decent, grown-up responsible adult.
You have allowed yourself to be burdened not only with several kids- who are your responsability- but also with an adult who is supposed to be helping you out!
HELLOOO??!! What is wrong with this picture???
He is not going to change. He doesn't want to and since you try to make ends meet he is surfing by, at your expense.
It is not fair.
You have been patient enough already, so I think you should pack up and leave. He is dead weight and sooner or later you will crumble as well.
Think of yourself and the kids....Continue your life without him or you will end up with even more problems!....Good luck!
future behaviour is usually the same as past behaviour he is using you because you let him. My only question is why would you move into a bigger house when he wasn't and isn't working and you knew you couldn't afford it. Logic says you shouldn't rely on someone to do something when they've never been inclined to do it in the past. He probably won't change. You pick a loser now you have to tell him he needs to get a job ASAP or your out.
You need to leave him!!!
If your husband cares about you then he will show it with more than words. You have a tough choice. Either reduce expenses or increase income. I was in a similar situation a long time ago.
Day care is out out of the question...Your husband or you will need to stay home and watch the kids.
Here are some ideas....
1. As a temporary solution, your husband can get a job either on the twilight or graveyard shift. Then you don't have to pay day care, and you increase your income.
2. One of you work a second job on the weekends.
3. Reduce your living expenses to the bare minimum.
4. Explain to the room mate that you need to either have them help with day care, or you will need more rent money.
5. Talk to a counselor about the situation. You two are obviously not communicating very well. You have to be brutally honest with each other in order for things to change.
6. Call your mortgage company and explain the situation. Many mortgage companies will work with you to either forgive the mortgage for a couple months or rework the financing.
7. Cut up your credit cards and turn off the TV. Change your lifestyle.
8. Get your husband some education so he can get a decent job.
Marriages are hard work. Talk to your husband and get at it!!!
I hate to be the one to tell you, but it sounds like you contracted a deadbeat. You can't make him work if he doesn't want to, and it sounds like he is perfectly happy floatin' by mooching off you.
Your best bet is just to live somewhere that you can afford all by yourself. You could explain to him your finances and that you really need him to help out financially, but I'm sure he already knows all that.
I would sit his butt down and calmly show him the total of all the bills. Grown-ups with 4 children to support don't have the luxury of not working. He either gets a job and keeps it or he gets out. We teach people how to treat us. Your bf doesn't work because he knows that you aren't going to do anything besides gripe at him. He has no reason to change what he's doing.
My question, though, is why did you move to a more expensive home knowing full well that he wasn't pulling his own weight? And why did you choose to have three kids with this guy?
Maybe you should scare him a bit. Suggesting you may quit your job if he doesn't find one soon, or leaving him until he does.
You cannot possibly support the entire family on your own, and he must know that. If wants to be a good father, he needs to stand up and do what a good father does.
Let him know that your relationship, home, and family are at stake. It's very important for him to know this, maybe it'll knock a little sense into him.
Best of luck.
You have three options that I can see.
Move to a smaller place and set up a budget so you can afford your life. You need to look at his income potential; will it be enough to cover child care, clothing, and transportation?
Be honest with him. Show him the bills; show him how in debt you are getting. Come to a decision together on what type of job he will be getting ASAP. And set up a time frame for him to get said job.
Leave him. Get a smaller place that you and the kids can afford with the added expense of day care.
have u had a sit down and showed him how much money is coming in each month and how much is going out . U need to let him know that he needs to be a man and get out and get a job even if its workin at a fast-food joint at least its something its good that he's the babysitter but if u have all those expenses he needs to contribute with something other than moving someone into the house
I guess you have got to figure out if it worth paying for a babysitter. Or better yet find free head start or even a family member to watch the kids. Or he could work opposite your shift such as the graveyard shift. Tell him baby you got to do something if you can bring some kind of income in the this house, yo *** got to go. Because you can do bad by yourself. If you are paying all the bills what do you need him for. A man is supposed to take care of is family.
get a job or get the hell out. sorry honey but he sounds like a loser. i've worked all my life. better yet just tell him to get out and go for welfare
WOW I had this same problem, Since he is home during the day with the kids while your at work you save on daycare he needs to find a Graveyard shift to work and work while your home. It can be done You may not see alot of eachother but hey at least you will not have money problems and you both have the same days off good luck.
Give him an altimatume, work or be on the streets!
He isn't going to change, and you've signed up for a lifetime of supporting this dead weight if you marry him.
Don't let this happen to you OR your children. Find a man who respects you enough to be a life partner, not a life penalty.
3 kids and 5 years and you are still just ';engaged';? Your judgment is really questionable, not to mention you picked a guy with no career aspirations. A man who won't work to support his young kids is a big bum.
And you obviously made a poor financial decision to incur higher expenses knowing you can't afford it.
I would cut back everything to minimum except for the kids so he feels that you are now in poverty. If he has no pride, you can decide whether you really want to be with him for the long haul.
You have been used and taken advantage of for a long time. He is not going to get off his @ss as why should he, you have done it all. You take care of him like he is one of your children rather then a husband/ partner. What kind of example are you giving your children? For your daughter (find a man she can support) for your son ( take advantage and have no respect for woman) Actions speak louder then words. I would kick him out as this is very easy since you are not married to this looser. Please, show your kids you have some self respect.
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